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Selecting a Guardian

Top 10 Things to Consider when Selecting Back-Up Parents for Your Children

Although it’s almost unimaginable to think of yourself not being there to raise your children, imagine the situation where a court gets involved and chooses a “suitable” guardian to care for your children. Also, imagine that your family is fighting over who should have custody. This is why it’s so important to take matters into your own hands and nominate a guardian for your children while it’s still your choice. Here are ten tips that can help making the decision regarding who to nominate a little easier.

1. Consider more than just the obvious choices. Start by making a list of all those you know and trust to take good care of your children. Extended family members who are old enough to care for your children can make excellent choices to raise your children, not just siblings, aunts and uncles.

2. Friends can make for exceptional guardians. In addition to your list of family members, you should include close family friends, from church, your children’s school or even a child care provider with whom you have a special relationship.

3. Finances of the guardian should not be your primary consideration. It is a mistake to eliminate anyone from the list because you don’t think they have the financial wherewithal to support your children. With proper estate planning, you will have taken care of this potential issue well in advance (this is where having a trust and life insurance in place can play a vital role in your planning strategy).

4. Think about who will love your children most. If the couple or person you choose as guardian has their own children, do you feel that they would be able to love your children the same way they love their own?

5. Do the values of the guardian reflect your values and philosophies? You should consider whether or not the people on your list of potential guardians share your same religious beliefs, moral values, child-rearing philosophy, educational values and social values.

6. Does the guardian act responsibly and are they a good role model? How does each potential guardian deal with adversity, do they have a good temperament, are they patient, are they affectionate, and are they mature enough to take on the role of a parent?

7. Consider the practical factors. Is the guardian you have chosen married or single? If they are married, what would happen if the couple divorced? This may make for an argument to only list your biological family member as guardian in case there is ever a divorce down the road. You should also consider the guardian’s age and health. Although your parents may be a natural choice because you know they would love your children unconditionally, they may be getting too old to keep up with your children (depending on their health). Also, consider how close the guardian lives to other important people in your children’s lives.

8. Who would be a good, not a perfect choice? No one will take care of your children exactly the way you would. After all, no one can really replace you. What you are trying to do is pick the best overall choice for “back-up” parents. Although this is a difficult decision to make, if you truly consider what matters most to you, you will likely be able to come up with some reasonable and good choices. Trust your instincts, they are usually right. After selecting your first choice, come up with one or two back-up choices.

9. Talk with everyone involved. This does two very important things. First, it will eliminate hurt feelings and feuding if something should ever happen. And second, you can also gauge a potential guardian’s feelings about being nominated as a back-up parent to your children. Also, talking to your children about it if they are old enough is a good idea. They may have an opinion on where they would feel most comfortable.

10. Do the necessary planning to guide and protect your children. Create a set of guidelines to express your parenting values and your hopes and dreams for your children. Set up a trust that will hold the assets (including life insurance) that you will pass to your children. Instruct the trustee to provide necessary financial assistance to the guardians you select. You can also create special instructions through your trust to provide for annual trips to visit relatives and friends, incentives for your children to graduate from college or provide for the purchase of their first car or home or even a wedding. Lastly, designate mentors in your children’s lives—special people in their lives to help guide them. An example might be the person you choose to act as trustee. He or she could be a terrific “financial” mentor to your children. A leader at your church might make the perfect “spiritual” mentor. A close friend might make a wonderful “emotional” mentor since they know you so well and can communicate things about you and your values that maybe even your family doesn’t know.

Submitted by Brenda Geiger, Esq. For more information about how to nominate a guardian for your minor children or on creating a trust for your children, please contact us at info@geigerlawoffice.net, www.geigerlawoffice.net or (760) 918-5811.

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